My Cart
expand/collapse
How to Avoid a Black Friday Roundhouse

How to Avoid a Black Friday Roundhouse

Posted by Joel Kneedler on

Okay, so you’re committed.

You’re going in no matter what.

If that’s the case, you better be prepared.

We put together a curated list of 19 things to remember when you find yourself in a tug-of-war over a new television. 

  1. First, expect the unexpected.
  2. Second, yes, you clearly had the television in hand first.
  3. Don’t brag.
  4. When you feel the first tug on the television, make eye contact to confirm.
  5. When she tugs harder and yells something, game on.
  6. Keep your wits about you.
  7. Prepare for the third tug, but don’t let go.
  8. When she drops the TV, you also drop the TV.
  9. Don’t try to explain. She won’t hear you. She is now possessed.
  10. Yell for all to hear, “I don’t want to fight. I come in peace.”
  11. Quickly grab whatever is nearby and throw it into the space between you. Anything to slow this train down.
  12. Most people are right handed, so prepare to protect the left side of your body.
  13. She will attempt a full roundhouse first.
  14. Remember, she’s shorter than you, so when she swings for your head, she will probably hit your shoulder.
  15. Calmly wave the punch off as you step to the side.
  16. Take a quick look over your shoulder, her husband may be coming from the furniture department.
  17. As you back up, smile, you're on camera.
  18. As she grabs her purse for another swing, duck into an adjacent aisle and make your way back around to the television.
  19. Give her a wink and a nod as you head for the cashier.

Listen, this isn't going to be easy.

Like Mike Tyson once said, “everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” 

If, for whatever reason, you come away empty-handed, do not fear.

Groove Life has a warehouse full of perfect holiday gifts, ready to ship. Tactical belts, silicone rings, engraved watch bands, you name it. 

We’ve got you covered.

Groove Life. Ready for adventure.

SHARE