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The Official Karen Gift Guide

The Official Karen Gift Guide

Posted by Roman Haviland on

Karen is literally everywhere, sporting an angled bob and sassy attitude, ready to talk to your manager about… well, you name it, she’s complaining about it! The real question everybody’s asking is, “Which watch band would Karen wear?” Today, you’ll find out! If you’re married to a Karen, this is your official Valentine’s Day gift guide!  But if you’re dating her... GET OUT NOW or learn to embrace the crazy.

****NO ACTUAL KARENS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS POST****

Ah… Karen. She’s on top of her game, she knows what she wants. If you stand between her and a good deal, she’s gonna wipe you like a speck of dust on her kitchen counter! The truth is, while the typical “Karen” is a tough one to handle sometimes, she adds a lot of humor to our lives and this world just wouldn’t be the same without her. She may arm wrestle an innocent server to get her meal free, but she’d fight a bear to protect the ones she loves!

Today, we are offering this blog post as a tribute to all the Karens in this world. We’ve matched each Karen type with a watch band to fit her personality. And hey Karen, you don’t have to call a manager on this one… we’ve got it covered.

The refined Karen

Sunglasses, Gucci purse, and regularly manicured nails are your tell-tale signs. This Karen is taking on the world with wine in hand. She’s refined, classy, and was the best on her debate team in college. If you’re planning to take her on, you’d better hire a lawyer because she knows her business. The refined Karen would love the Solid White watch band because it’s simple and classy, perfect for every occasion.

the refined Karen

The chill Karen

She’s casual, she’s cool and typically okay with “whatever….. man.” But you’d better know that no matter how cool she is, she’s gettin’ “exactly what she wants here, dude” and “won’t leave until she does.” Look out y’all, because she’s got all the time in the world. If you’re shopping for the chill Karen, you should check out the Solid Coral watch band because it’s kinda like her. It grabs all the attention without even trying.

the chill Karen

The cute Karen

She was always Daddy’s little girl, and the whole world can’t help but love her. If you come across this Karen, you probably won’t even know you’re getting played because she’s so adorable. She’ll head out of that store with an extra discount on top of that expired coupon before you know what happened. This Karen will swoon over the subtle, sweet, and totally adorable Aspire Breeze watch band.

the cute Karen

The Family Of Karens

If you see this one coming, duck and run! You’ll recognize a family of Karens by the impatient silence when their server hasn’t appeared within 10 seconds. Make sure you have a football-field-sized notebook ready to take this order because you’re gonna be here a while and it had better be perfect. For the Karen that belongs in a whole family of manager-hunters, you’d better grab the Aspire Cirrus watch band. Its design was stolen from the sunset sky which is as endless as the requests you’re about to receive from these sassy girls.

family of Karens

The Karen that doesn’t know that she’s a Karen 

You know you’re this Karen if you kindly pause someone with an “Excuse me, but I have a question” and finish with a raging 1-star review on a Facebook page. If phrases like “Stay Away From This Mom and Pop” and “I’ve never been treated so horribly in my whole life” are flying onto the page, it’s time to wake up, honey. You’re a Karen now. For the delusional Karen, the Aspire Carrera Marble watch band is a classic white with light pink marble accents... a perfect fit.

doesn't know she's a Karen

The Karen that changed your life, for better or worse

Have you ever bumped into someone in Walmart and left with a mile-long to-do list of activities and meetings? You probably just interacted with a Karen. She is the exact reason that you started teaching yoga classes and have a commitment every day of the week. You want to scream “NO” every time you see her but when you’re looking in that face you know that the only acceptable answer is “yes.” Life-changing Karen will love a Solid Seafoam watch band - it’s eye-catching and functional for her on-the-go lifestyle.

Karen changed your life

The Karen everyone loves

We know that complaining about the undercooked steak is technically “rude” but honestly... we’ve had enough too, and someone has to say something! It might as well be the loudest most seasoned complainer in the room. Thank you for speaking up for the rest of us. We love you, Karen. And we think the Solid Black watch band is the right fit for you because it represents your boldness. You know what you want, and you go out there and get it.

Karen everyone loves

The Karen that everyone hates, ESPECIALLY other Karens

While many Karens are opinionated in a funny way, this Karen is out to get the world and ALL the other Karens agree. You’ll recognize her by the nose-in-the-air, gossip-spreading attitude. If you know this Karen, you’ve probably been witness to something like this: “Well, and here’s what I heard, they’re not even gonna stay here because she doesn’t like the pastor’s wife.” This Karen needs a watch band that fits her news-seeking and rumor-spreading personality. The Aspire Twilight Blossom watch band is exotic and bold, reminiscent of rainforests and jungles. An ideal pattern for the girl who is always hunting for a good story.

Karen everyone hates

The Karen that reminds you of your mom

She made sure you got fair treatment in EVERY class, she won’t allow opt-outs on family holidays, and she fights like a lioness if you’re ever trapped in a corner. We love you Mom, even when your classic restaurant order takes thirty minutes and each trip to the store requires management attention at least two separate times. The mom Karen will rock our Aspire Leopard watch band with confidence because she deserves all the thanks she can get.

Karen reminds you of your mom

Honorable Mentions:

The Threatening Karen: “My husband knows the owner. Should I have him come down here?”

The Oblivious Karen who thinks everyone around her is on her side even though no-one is: “Can you believe them? I mean, this is ridiculous!”

The Understanding Karen: “Oh it’s fine honey, I understand, we’ve all been there, but I’ll need y’all to take care of that for me before I can go, k? I appreciate it.”

The ‘Everyone Else is the Enemy’ Karen: “WELL WHY DIDN’T Y’ALL POST A SIGN ON THE DOOR?!?!?!!” (manager glances at sign clearly posted on the door)


Well, we’ve had a little fun with these Karens today, and we hope you got a few good laughs out of them, too! If you have a Karen in your life, grab yourself a latte and settle in for one heck of a day, it’s going to probably get a little crazy.

And if you are a Karen, we have good news for you. You can complain to our management team all you want because we have a 94-year No BS Warranty which covers your Groove Ring or Watch Band 100% of the time. Whether you lose it, break it, stretch it, or accidentally wash it down the drain, we’ll replace it, no matter what. We’re basically the store you’ve been looking for all your life.

Cheers to all the Karens in the world. You do you girl… but take it easy on your server next time, okay? Be nice for us.

Keep Groovin’!

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